Judas

I will never know.
Like my dead father,
like the innocence I never knew
(lost to my uncle)
like the face of the grandmother
who died while I was in utero.
Your love grounded me,
desire painted thick
in the pit of my stomach
and I will never know
Who were you?
When were you true?
When were you betraying?
Each kiss given and taken in fear
it’d be the last one.
Judas, my love
Judas, my sick love.